Anger is so often seen as a negative emotion, and if we express anger we're often made to feel ashamed that we've lost control. But what is anger at its core? Is it really as negative as we are led to believe?
I felt angry earlier this week, a real deep rage. Instantly that nagging little 'spiritual' voice on my shoulder told me to calm down, that this negative vibe wasn't going to help.
But instinctually I knew that this anger had to be felt, understood and bypassing it wasn't going to help. It seemed to me that the anger was really the outward expression of a need for care that wasn't been met, and that the pain couldn't be expressed in a verbal or even understandable way.
I've written before about forgiveness, and why I don't always forgive. Forgiveness can be thrown at us from the moral high ground, but it can have the negative effect of not challenging social injustice, or interpersonal abuse making victims voices unheard and no action taken on the morality or rightness of a situation.
Vilifying anger is to ignore a deep cry from our soul that something or someone we hold most dear is under threat. My anger was triggered by a further disclosure from my daughter about abuse she suffered at the hands of her father when with him during court-ordered contact. It has taken 5 years for her to feel safe enough to tell me.
There were many, many layers to my anger.
That the humanity and dignity of my precious child had been violated.
That I wasn't there to shield her.
That her confidence in speaking up was so damaged by the abuse.
That a father could abuse his own daughter.
That the family court system adds further systematic abuse to victims of domestic violence.
That women and girls are on the receiving end of so much male violence.
That misogyny is so widespread and arguable increasing.
That women and girls are socialised in such appalling ways to accept this as the status quo.
And so much more! I was in fact bloody livid!
I'm not saying all this because I'm a negative person. On the contrary, I'm usually very positive, but I also believe that society is on the threshold of change and we must all stand to contribute to the world we want to create through our lives and business.
My anger was my Soul crying out for the familial and societal care of the Divine Feminine and how that lack of care is expressed through the abuse of women and girls, and the abuse of mother nature.
My anger was the light being shone on everything I hold as precious, what I have the deepest desire t protect and what I would be willing to put myself on the sacrificial alter for.
Anger is the expression of vulnerability, helplessness, loss of control and powerlessness. What I felt as anger was the last expression of a force that I could neither physical hold, articulate or effectively process in that moment.
I did not need to hide or release my anger. My anger WAS the release.
I let the Deva of anger embrace me in her care, so I could turn to her with love to find my soul within that place of helplessness and vulnerability. That raw place where we are at our most timid and tender, fragile in our humanity.
In that moment of anger was fully alive, fully here as a Soul, addressing what it means to be human beyond that facade of control and our manmade systems and structures that gibe order and cohesion to lives.
In that space I felt who I was a mother, as a woman, as a soul incarnate.
Brene Brown's Manifesto for Vulnerability is a masterful work, describing vulnerability as "the birthplace of love, belonging, joy, courage, empathy, accountability and authenticity."
Anger is the outer response to that vulnerability but we don't need to shy away or apologise for it. From that place we can create our better selves, from our place of anger we can enlarge our compassion, love, resilience and empathy to hold those feelings and create the positive out described by Brown.
How do you deal with anger? What do you get angry about? Do you feel that anger is a deep expression of self-care for your soul and being? Let me know!