Last week I attended what was as far as I was concerned the settlement hearing for my divorce.
It has taken me eight long years to get this far.
I wasn't happy to pay off a man who abused myself and the children mentally, emotionally, physically. sexually and financially for the duration of the marriage. I wasn't happy that the abuse can be perpetuated through the legal system that should protect victims of domestic abuse.
But I accepted a payoff was the simplest way to 'get rid of this man forever' - in the words of the Judge.
During this whole process, his behaviour has been excused by the Court, Social Services and the Police. Each looked at an immediate incident rather than the bigger picture of narcissistic abuse and misogyny.
I have built my life and business back up in the eight years we have been separated. Paying him money is the price of freedom.
I'm sharing this because I want you to know that life is never perfect, problems will arise but it's how we deal with them that's important.
Yes, it has triggered some very nasty feelings of fear and vulnerability, ugly memories and a complete loathing of the patriarchal systems that unfairly punishes women and holds men to different standards.
But I also know that for this problem to arise, the solution MUST be present. Paying my abuser off bristles and upsets me. But is this a challenge that is inviting me to move through that fear? No doubt. I can do hard things and this is the ultimate "declutter"!
Tomorrow is another day, and I will open up to all spend time with my Deva and the Spirit of my business to all the love and blessings that I can receive. I will expand my capacity to receive, and give from that which overflows.
The darkest nights of the Soul heralds the light. I will soon be free of this awful man, it's the final act of the tragedy before curtain fall. Then I can create the comedy adventure of a lifetime!
I am enough.
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